2 years ago, I achieved minor internet fame for publishing a personal essay on XoJane. You can Google my name if you want to read it, but just be warned that it’s full of of intimate details about me that just might scar you for life and if you’re a cat lady, you’ll never look at your bedsheets the same way again.
If I am related to you by blood or marriage, please do not Google my name and stop reading now
After my personal essay was published, it got way bigger than I ever expected. I should’ve known that it’d spread like wildfire since it had everything the internet loves: cats, a vagina, body horror, and the opportunity for the kind of voyeurism that leaves you feeling all high and mighty because you’d never let anything like that happen to you.
It’s cool, I get it. I ain’t mad. But god damn it’s stressful to wake up one morning not realizing that your piece has been published until you get a phone call from a friend saying “Hey, um, I think they’re talking about your sex life on DC101…”
Cue full-blown panic attack.
Now that I’ve had a few months to process the insanity that comes with sudden internet fame, I finally have the mental energy to respond to some of the most common questions I get about my piece. Seriously, this thing WILL NOT DIE and writers and TV producers still contact me on a pretty regular basis asking for comments. I gave 2 interviews the week that the story ran and I vowed never to do it again: There’s nothing scarier than giving up your autonomy and letting a stranger control the way your story gets told.
So here are my answers to a few of the most common questions I’ve gotten.
My day job is amazing because I’m in an environment that truly values work-life balance. I’m out of the office by 4 pm every day and I never have to take work home with me. My boss encourages us to take advantage of our paid time off (she even told me that if I don’t get sick often then I should use my time for mental health reasons!). My insurance includes therapy and acupuncture benefits. I get a free gym membership and I’m encouraged to attend fitness classes on my lunch break (hellooooooo Zumba obsession). I feel valued for my contributions and supported by my team and encouraged to learn and grow.
My consulting gig is great because it fulfills my activism side. I get to write about the achievements of an organization that’s funding really important gender justice work and I get paid well to do so. It’s amazing to have the opportunity to marry my marketing skills with a cause that I’m truly passionate about. I was initially worried about starting two new jobs at the same time, but I’m so glad that I swallowed my fear of taking on too much and accepted the position.
It’s pretty great!
But life right now is also just draining enough that when I get home from work and finish my consulting to-do list, all I can handle is eating dinner and then slaying demons in Diablo III with Conrad until I collapse into bed at 9 pm.
Words cannot express how happy I am that we finally bit the bullet and remodeled the house. While I’m happy about all of the projects that we tackled, the kitchen renovation was definitely the most satisfying. It was kind of like breaking up with that long-term boyfriend who’s kind of a scrub but is perfectly nice and so you just stay with them for waaaaay longer than you ever expected, but then you come to your senses and dump them and suddenly you’re swept away by a partner who actually meets all of your needs, even the ones you didn’t know you had.
Am I a little too in love with our new kitchen? Perhaps.